Don't go away
by Sandrine MagCar
Summary: The day before Sam's departure for Atlantis, Jack realises how much he's about to lose by letting her go.
Hey guys! First of all, I truly apology for this story because it's full of mistakes. My first language is French and this fiction is a translation of a story I initially wrote in my language. So, there are plenty of mistakes in it, that's for sure… But I thought that if I want to improve my English, I should try to write it.

So please, be indulgent and I do hope you will be able to at least understand this story!

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 **Don't go away.**

 _Don't go away_ … five words, a whisper that could have changed and solved everything. A sentence that sounded as a melody to the ears of Jack O'Neill, a song made from just one musical note, a childish music which repeated itself in his head and prevented him to think about anything else.

 _Don't go away_ … a silent whish that was harassing him, reminding him that she was about to leave him. He would not see her smile on the morning anymore, would not bring her her coffee at noon, would not force her to go to sleep instead of working late. All this comfortable routine would be over. Tomorrow it would be the end, she was travelling to another galaxy, light-years away from him.

She would be gone.

She would be alone to lead the greatest intergalactic mission that ever took place. And she would do just fine, he knew it. He trusted her, but the danger was still there. Threats were everywhere in Pegasus' galaxy, he knew that a lot of men had never come back from this place. He tried to remember all the troubles they get through when they were fighting along in SG1. She never actually died, true, but the difference was huge in his head: he was there to protect her, he had always been there to support her, help her and even save her. Here, she would be all alone, without him, without his protection. Vulnerable.

He was afraid. Afraid to lose her and can't do a damn thing about it, can't even try to do something. Tomorrow he would watch her going through the gate, saying himself that it was maybe the last memory of her he would ever have. And he couldn't stand this thought.

 _Don't go away_ … He so badly wanted to tell her this few words... being able to hold her back, to take her in his arms and tell her in a whisper his forbidden feelings. For ten years, he swore to himself than one day he would confess her everything he kept secret for so long, but he had always procrastinated this moment, believing he had enough time to tell her later. And here he was today, full of regrets. He missed his chances. It was too late now. He remembered the day they met, when she had stood up to him for the first time. A slight smile appeared on his face.

Jack was walking into the corridors of the SGC, his feet were leading him on a path he was taking every day, that he knew by heart. But he had never felt as melancholic as today. He was walking, lost in his thought, ignoring the soldiers' greetings that sounded faked to his ear. Nothing mattered today, because she was leaving tomorrow.

This walk was the last one. Tomorrow, her lab would be given to someone else. Another scientist would dare to take her post. But he knew that nobody would be as qualified as her, no woman nor man could ever replace her. SGC was losing its most brilliant soldier today.

He finally reached his destination, the walk only lasted a few seconds, and still, he had had the time to remember all the moments they shared together, all their little talks, the dangerous situation they got through, their too often denied feelings,… They sure experienced a lot during ten years.

He slipped silently into her lab and his heart skipped a beat when he saw her. She was there, only a few feet ahead. So close…

She was turning her back at him and was tidying up her things. Tomorrow everything would have to be clean and nice for the person who was going to move on into the lab. Each object she was taking from her desk to put in her small box was like a knife stabbing Jack's heart. When something was disappearing in this damn box, it was a part of her that was disappearing as well.

 _Don't go away_ … The voice in his head was yelling at him to move, to hold her back and tell her these few words. Protect her. Stop her from leaving for crying out loud!

But he didn't.

Instead, he observed her. Her long blond hairs were flying around her face. He thought this haircut suited her pretty well, she looked less military than before. He thought about the other Samantha Carter that once visited them from another dimension. She looked similar, and he liked that. They were married in this world... He guessed some Jack O'Neill were luckier than other.

His gaze softened even more when she took the picture that was lying on her desk. He knew all too well this picture, his old team SG1 was posing : Danny Boy was smiling goofily as usual, Teal'c as stiff as always, she was smiling brightly and him. He was not looking into the camera but was ogling at her, a smile floating on his lips. How did she get this picture? He tried to make it disappear, as he had tried to do with his feelings. No doubts Daniel was implied, that damn space monkey...

She held the picture for a long time and with infinite precaution, she eventually put it into her vest.

He couldn't see her face, so he had no clues she was about to let a tear drop from her blue eyes.

 _Don't go away_ … How much time would he stay here, watching her silently? When would he finally decide to take a step toward her and confess his feelings?

He would wait as long as he could, of course. He rather enjoyed watching her while he still could. It was his last chance to do so after all. Tomorrow, he would only see her face in his head and not in front of him anymore. Every minute which went by was dragging her from him, so he was trying to draw her portrait in his mind. He was memorizing all of her features, all of her movements.

Life was unfair. She has always been. She had taken everything from him. First Charlie and with his son gone, it was a whole part of him that was dead. After this incident, life had lost its meaning for Jack O'Neill, until he arrived in the SGC. Here, he had found a new purpose to his life : protect the Earth.

And by leading SG1, he met this woman that was in this very moment just feet away from him. And, of course, he developed feelings for her. He always had trouble with authority and law, but he never hated a law as much as the "not-fraternization" one.

And irony was a bitch, because not only that he knew he could never be in a relationship with her in this life, but he had the proof that a future together was possible, and more, was working perfectly fine. They met plenty of Jack and Sam from another dimension, showing him what he could never have, showing him an alternative reality where they were happy together, showing him his deepest dream before making it disappear.

Saving Earth had a price, he learned it the hard way. Love and duty was an impossible match. Justice didn't make any differences, not even for heroes.

He sighed heavily.

His gaze went a last time on the woman who was obsessing him for nearly a decade, the one who was giving him strength to beat his enemies, the one he was seeing when he was closing his eyes… The woman he loved.

 _Don't go away…_

As quiet as a mouse, he turned away and took a step into the corridor. And then what he had dreaded actually happened.

_Sir ?

Her crystal voice sounded as a bitter sweet melody to his ears. He froze, eyes closed. Anything but that… he didn't want to face her, to meet her gaze and see her gentle smile. He didn't want to tell her goodbye.

He put a fake relaxed smile on his lips and turned to face her.

And he saw her. As pretty as always. His heart skipped a beat when he watched her face surrounded with her blond locks, her bangs which covered her forehead, her delicate lips,… her azure eyes, shining like sapphires.

He was speechless for a moment, not knowing what to say. They faced each other for some longs minutes.

_So ? Ready to leave ? he said trying to sound nonchalant.

She nodded.

_I just put things in order…

Indeed, the place which was usually a mess, was cleaned and all the electronic devices were off.

Silence again. Jack's smile faded.

_Do you already know when you'll come back? he said, knowing perfectly the answer.

_As soon as I won't be needed there anymore.

Which meant, in a long time. Atlantis would always need someone like Samantha Carter, she was by far the most qualified to lead this expedition.

They become silent again, just watching each other. They both knew what these silences meant, they became expert at this. It would be useless to put words on this, they understood each other just by eye contact. Everything they couldn't say, well, didn't want to say, they shared it by body language. Saying their feelings out loud would be the last step in their relationship, the step they would never take because it would mean their relationship was coming to an end, it would be their farewell. And they refused to reach this point.

If she wanted a confession, she would have to come back.

_Everything will be fine, you'll do great… he said in a whisper.

A shy smile appeared on her face, but her eyes remained sad

Without thinking much longer, he crossed the distance between them and took her in his arms. She accepted his hug and closed her eyes.

He suddenly realized all the things he would lose with her departure. Their small talks, their complicity, the simple moments they shared together… all of these things would end today. It was the last time he could feel her skin against his, the last time he could smell her discrete perfume, the last time he could feel his heart beating like hell in his chest.

_Ja…

_Take care Sam. And come back, we still need you here, he said before she could finish her sentence.

He couldn't have stood to hear his name in Sam's mouth, it would have been impossible to let her go after that.

She firms up her grip on his neck. He wasn't sure, but he believed that for one second she shivered. But when she leaned back, a bright smile was on her lips and she seemed perfectly fine. She brushed his fingers before taking her distances back.

It was time to let her go now.

_Kick the ass of the Wraith for me Colonel, he said.

She nodded, trying to hide her smile. He made eye contact, trying to forget the voice in his head saying it was maybe the last time he could get lost in the ocean of her eyes. Then, he turned around. He heard a small voice in his back.

_Will you be there? Tomorrow?

He froze.

 _Don't go away…_

_As always Carter.

And he left, without looking back.

He didn't see her falling on her chair, nor did he see the tear running down her cheek.

 **XxXxXxX**

Five hours left. In just five hours, she would cross the gate, heading to Atlantis.

He stayed in the base this night, he knew she did too. She probably was in her room, sleeping . He should have been in his, but he couldn't sleep so he just went outside the base. He had walked a moment through the wood next to Cheyenne's complex. The moon was the only light source in the middle of the night.

Daniel had asked to leave too. How many times did he piss him off to have his permission to go to Atlantis? And he had always refused it.

He didn't want Sam to go either, but he still agreed to his departure. Sometimes he thought he shouldn't have done so. She would have been angry at him for some days but she would at least have been safe and sound in Earth.

But he couldn't refuse her anything. He had too much respect for her. This post was made for her, it was a golden ticket and she had the chance of her life. If the army had one gift for her, that was this one. She deserved the lead of Atlantis more than anyone.

And let's be frank, if he didn't want her to leave, it wasn't because he was afraid, he trusted the colonel, he knew what she was capable of. She would get through anything, and she didn't need anyone to do so.

No the reason he didn't want her to leave was far more selfish: he didn't want to be left alone.

He was used to see her every day, just blablahing around a coffee, seeing her smile when he walked past her lab,… This wasn't much but it was enough to make him happy. If he ever felt down or pissed off at some stupid Lieutenant, he just headed off to her office and watched her working. No need to discuss for hours, just watching her working was enough to calm him.

When she will be in Pegasus, they sure would discuss via computer but it definitely wouldn't be the same thing. They wouldn't be face to face, he wouldn't see the spark in her eyes, nor her smile.

Now, he would always wonder what she was doing, if she was not in trouble,… If she was thinking about him like he was thinking about her.

He sighed heavily. He respected her too much to ask her to stay. Besides, he had to face the truth : their weird situation was making her sad. She had no family, nobody to hug her when she was coming back home from a hard day at work. She had nothing of what she always dreamed of. And he was responsible for that.

He couldn't offer her the life she wanted. So let's stop being selfish and stop suffering, he said to himself. On Atlantis, she would reach the highest level in the USAF, with a bit of luck, she would forget him for the benefit of her work.

He eventually arrived into open field. He lay down on the grass, put his hands under his neck and watch the sky above him.

He was wondering in which direction was Pegasus' galaxy. It was impossible to see it from here, it was too far away. Soon, she would be somewhere up there, in the middle of all these shining stars. So far…

 _Don't go away_ …

 **XxXxXxX**

There she was, in her military outfit, a small suitcase in her hands. The gate was about to be opened to Atlantis. Next to her was her team : Danny, Teal'c, Vala and Mitchell. It was goodbye time. Everybody had almost killed her in a hug, whispering some encouragements, Vala had even managed to make her cry. She laughed at a goofy joke from Mitchell. And then she was in front of him, for the last time. Her bright smile was fading with the voice of Walter announcing the opening of the Stargate.

Without concern for the people who were watching them, he took her in his arms and hugged her tightly. Holding her a last time against his heart, feeling a last time the softness of her skin, it was the only thing he could do.

They didn't say a word, they already knew everything.

 _Don't go away_ …

It was now or never. It was his ultimate chance to ask her to stay here, with him. But instead, he slowly moved away from her, trying to touch her skin as long as possible. He took her hand and discretely caressed her fingers. Then, the vortex appeared behind her.

It was time to let her go, maybe for ever.

She stepped back, without taking her gaze away from him. She lowered her head, trying to put herself together. The distance between her and the gate seemed huge. Step by step, time was flying. These few feet were synonym of light years away from Earth, away from him.

And then, Samantha Carter reached the vortex. When she walked through it, without looking back to the SGC, she thought that just one sentence could have made her stay. Just one phrase, whispered to her ears could have make her turned around, would have made her refuse the lead of Atlantis. Just one sentence, that was all she needed.

Just five words, a whisper that could have changed and solved everything.

 _Don't go away…_

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Please, feel free to leave a review, to tell me where my biggest mistakes are! :p Let me know if you liked it or not and if I should maybe write other stories in English.

See you! xo


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